He was my best friend, my brother practically. And yet he walked away and I…I didn’t chase him. Oh Colin, we had such good time when we were together. I knew him and he knew me, questions weren’t needed for us, we just melded without a stitch. But not all good things last. I learned that from him and my heart still twinges at the thought of it.

It happened a year ago, or maybe it was a little more? There was a huge falling out between us, I wanted to get away from the computer, to gain a better life outside the confines of my room. He was far against the idea. It was unfortunate, that I was here and he was five hundred miles away in Chicago. Our only contact most of the time was through IMing, texting, and phone calls. Things I was growing less and less attached to, it was making me sick how much I did nothing. I needed out and I tried to tell him.

Colin was furious. He took my news of being less around in the worst possible way; he thought I was leaving him behind! He thought that I was abandoning him but I wasn’t! And I tried so hard to make that clear through my tears and his yelling. It was no use though, he gave me a choice: stay with him or have it be the end.

How could I possibly make such a decision!? I loved him like a brother, he was one of the few I had given my heart to, and was one of the only ones who knew my mind. How could I possibly lose him? How could I possibly hurt him? I made no choice…he made it for me. Colin walked away that night.

It was a fate worse than death for us both. For time and time again did I try to fix it or he came apologizing. Everything was too broken, too far-gone, and we too lost to start anew. So now he is just a rift in my life that I try to seal shut. And I to him am a destroyer I’m sure…Once I made things whole but now I must have toppled everything and sent him spiraling. I fear I was the start of his end but I will never know and he will never tell me.

Never again will I hear him call my name. Never again will I call for his for just the word would tear daggers into his heart and thus into mine. Nothing of that life we once had remains. Nothing can be rebuilt. It is all lost, what was once so beautiful…